![]() ![]() The name originates from a famous bank robbery in Sweden in 1973, where four people were taken hostage for six days. Most of us have heard of ‘Stockholm Syndrome’, the phenomenon that causes hostages to sympathise with their kidnappers. ‘Betrayal is the sense of being harmed by the intentional actions of a trusted person.’ Patrick Carnes However, the starting point for this can sometimes be in asking yourself ‘How did I become so hooked in the first place?” This begins by being able to see the attachment for what it is and then committing to breaking free. Once we begin to understand how trauma bonding works and why it is so powerful, we can start to move forward and gain clarity. That said, a lot of the information here will be applicable to other kinds of toxic relationships too. And although a trauma bond can be with anyone (including a parent, sibling, friend, spiritual leader or even a boss), this blog post will focus on romantic partners. This creates a high intensity relationship that can tie two people together tightly, addicting them to each other and making it feel impossible to break away. So just like a rope woven by poisoned threads, a trauma bond is not an attachment marred by some unhealthy parts, but an attachment that is partly or wholly created from those unhealthy parts. Rather, what makes a trauma bond so hard to break free from is that it is often the pain, suffering and drama that creates the bond itself. ![]() What a lot of people don’t realise is that a toxic bond - otherwise known as a ‘trauma bond’ - isn’t just a relationship with some unhealthy elements. This is because leaving can sometimes feel more painful than staying in the relationship. They can keep us trapped in painful, confusing and even abusive relationships year after year, feeling unable to leave. Yet some bonds can be damaging and toxic. We often think of bonds as positive things - as the shared experiences, loyalty and promises that tie us to other people, whether that’s family, friends or romantic partners. ![]() Yet they stay.’ Patrick Carnes, The Betrayal Bond ![]()
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